Ode to Procrastination

I am sitting here staring at a stack of bills, unfinished studio bookkeeping, and a list of tasks I am in no hurry to conquer. Sooooo....

My sister in law turned me on to this blog - my baking addiction. My bro in law is running his first marathon and I wanted to bake some hearty energy cookies to add to his "Old Man Marathon Runner Kit" comprised of things like Prep H, vaseline, and a few high energy items. Since at one time this was meant to be a cooking AND yoga blog, but my stack of recipes to share is piled up, I decided I would share this one and maybe my cooking blog will get kick-started.

It seems pretty easy to steal people's recipes and make a few adaptations and Voila! It is your own. So that is exactly what I did. I saw in the Relish Magazine a recipe for cookies using left over Halloween candy, so I first stole that idea, but I did want to add some heartiness to them so I came across this recipe for Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies which I adapted. I meant to throw in some nuts and raisins too, but I forgot. The other thing that is great about this recipe is it is so easy. Cookies generally are, but something about the smaller amount of ingredient measurements made these a breeze and the girls basically did most of the work. ( I did have to hide the many trips back to the orange plastic pumpkins from which I pilfered.)

Reese's Peanut Butter, M&M, Oatmeal Cookies

Ingredients
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cup peanut butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 cup chopped Reese's cups and M&Ms

Method
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. In a medium bowl, cream together the butter, white sugar and brown sugar until smooth. Stir in the peanut butter, vanilla and egg until well blended. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt; stir into the batter just until moistened. Mix in the oats and candy until evenly distributed. Drop by tablespoonfuls on to lightly greased cookie sheets.
3. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes in the preheated oven, until the edges start to brown. Cool on cookie sheets for about 5 minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

They were worth the tummy ache I now have from tinkering with my recipe (more candy? YES? More? YES!)

BAN THE BAKING BAN!

Arriving at 2:03 yesterday at my daughter's school for her 2:00 cupcake party, I almost bypassed the office to check in, but at the last second veered left. Oh, what a mistake! I was told I could not bring my homemade cupcakes into the classroom. I must confess, I knew the policy, but last year decided it was a foolish rule, one I needn't abide by, and I got away with it. I think the kindergarten teacher turned a blind eye.

I couldn't believe it! It had been a day of sheer craziness (but with so many rewards too - like taking Ellie and Anna to Ferdinand the Bull at the Capitol theater and Red Robin after - priceless!) I was juggling one sick kid at my mom's (who is still incapacitated from foot surgery), I had to get my kids and the neighbor kids home to quickly transition to the next activity, wrap gifts, get dinner started, blah blah blah, we all know it...Anyways, it was all flowing relatively smoothly, (well my bumper was hanging off the front of my car and at some point I lost it entirely. Kinda retraced steps, but didn't really have time...who needs a bumper anyways??) until I was Heisman-ed at the front door of HM Gilbert Elementary. Can you imagine facing 27 (class size bit of a concern, but anti homemade baking policy more so) toothless first graders eagerly awaiting their afternoon treat? They were sitting so patiently (well minus the 15 boys who never sit. EVER.) with napkins at the ready. Oh, I almost burst into tears! My sweetest L who has been UNBELIEVABLE handled it all in good grace and I will be returning with lardcakes at 3:00 today.

So, here is the letter I wrote. I think instead of writing a letter to my local newspaper about supporting my favorite candidate (Michelle Strobel), I will send my letter instead. BAN THE BAKING BAN!

Good Morning,

I am writing this letter in hope that you will revisit Gilbert School's policy of not allowing home-baked goods. I understand this is NOT a district policy, as I have friends and relatives who bake for their kids' classrooms at both Nob Hill and Discovery Lab.

As you can imagine, I was disheartened yesterday when I wasn't allowed to bring my healthy (healthier!) homemade cupcakes into Ellie's classroom. I understand I should have researched it more fully, but I would still disagree with the policy. I was even more disheartened to visit the local grocery store chain and purchase cupcakes with unrecognizable ingredients.

My first concern is that in a nation filled with overweight kids, we are sending the entirely wrong message in discouraging parents to bake their own treats. Even a box mix of cupcakes is healthier than the trans-fat laden options at the store.

The quality time parents can spend with their children baking is not only a wonderful way to connect with our kids, but models healthy eating choices as well. By encouraging kids to explore and familiarize themselves with the kitchen at an early age, it sets the stage for developing cooking skills as they mature. One of my favorite activities is cooking with my daughters. They love it! It is rewarding in every possible way, not the least of which is creating something to share with others.

I am fully aware of the concern we have for children with nut allergies. Having a nephew who suffers from a peanut allergy, I know which products contain nuts, or are produced in a factory where nut products are manufactured. Because of the prevalence, I believe the majority of other parents do as well. Serving kids packaged treats is far riskier. There are so many more ways to contaminate.

The cost for pre-packaged treats is so much greater than making something at home. A box mix of cupcakes can be purchased for a $1. I spent $16 for cupcakes that I am not sure even qualify as cupcakes.

Lastly, the packaging goes straight to the landfill. 3 additional plastic containers unnecessarily wasted.

Please reconsider this policy! There are so many more reasons TO allow homemade treats than not.

Sincerely,

Megan Tweedy

The things we take for granted....

Tomorrow is my 43 birthday. My birthday always reminds me of a long, lost friend. We use to go around saying "we went to each other's 2 year old birthday party!" While we have lost touch for many stretches of time, it is a rare year when I don't receive a birthday phone call. This year it was a letter. How rare and how precious to hold a piece of paper in your hand and read it over and over. How often we discard our unwritten communications and miss out on the opportunity to re-read it, ponder, and file away into that keepsake box. It is sad to think letter writing is a thing of the past, a dying art my kids will make fun of me about, but embracing change is not always entirely positive.

Part of the letter read, "Anyhow, my days of doing anything to put me in this position are over. You can call me a late bloomer of full responsibility if you'd like. Freedom is so precious...In many aspects, I regard my time here as an unwanted, unplanned, and extended vacation. They cannot keep me here forever, nor can they break my spirit... Health remains my number one concern. I will remain eternally grateful to the State of ___ for meeting these needs...Much love to you and all the pilgrims on the path."

My friend is in jail and most likely will be for the foreseeable future. Not only that, but my friend recently was diagnosed with MS. Yet, the letter is filled with optimism, gratitude and hope. I don't know anyone else in jail and when I asked my husband if he thought there were many college educated inmates, he said I'd be surprised.

We all make bad decisions, lose our way, right ourselves, lose hope, gain hope, act ungracious, show gratitude, the ever evolving human condition. Sometimes our mistakes cost us - dearly, many times we skate on through vowing to avoid pitfalls in the future. Do we ever change? Or do we get to a level of acceptance of what is?

All I know, if I was 43 and in jail, I am doubtful I would have the same inner strength, compassion and gratitude for my circumstances that my friend has. Maybe the lesson is always the same - we learn from others who are less fortunate than ourselves.

For my buddy.

The Zen Out

It is so funny...I have been wanting to write about the concept of rushing (directly relating to my all-time favorite topic: time) and I happened to read my fellow yoga teacher/blogger's blog and she wrote about the same thing. What is even crazier is the other day when we were walking she told me about a class she had taught earlier in the week and I approached a very similar subject (why do we practice yoga?) in my class the next morning. Of course neither of us had been to each other's class. Pheromones? Full moon? Random coincidences?

Since I started this blog and didn't finish it, rushing will have to wait until another time. I am in a new non-rushing zen phase that occurs oh, about once a year, so I am riding it out until my usual self returns. I am a week and a half into a lull at the studio. I even hate to write about it because it means the phone will ring tomorrow, but it is the first time since I started that I haven't subbed or had private lessons and I have TIME. Lovely vacant hours to clean closets, bake, preserve food, be more present with my kids. Not manic, frantic hours where you are on a roll and get caught up because you are ON FIRE, no this is different. I actually have carved out enough time for the first time in a long, long time (maybe NEVER BEFORE???). Saying no is also a big part of it and the more you do it, the easier and easier it becomes. I am trying to savor every sweet second instead of sinking into doubt about my current desires to continue with the studio. Oh, I definitely want to continue with the studio EXACTLY how it is, but life never works like that and change is rearing its head - it is there looming in the distance and I want to fight it with every ounce of my being. Why can't things stay the same? I guess to remind us that isn't the way life works and to teach us to become better equipped to roll with it.

My lease is up in December. In my attempt to be more pro-active, I asked to meet with the owner to discuss our future. Results pending. Whatever the outcome, it means more work for me at a point when I am not feeling the love for more work. I love teaching yoga, don't mind doing the business end, but I need to keep myself free enough to continue to pursue my yoga education and all of the other things I truly enjoy. As my back gets stronger and stronger (being pain-free is also a strong motivator) my passion for yoga as therapy has grown and is a specific field I wish to explore. I have also been really enjoying my volunteer work in Ellie's classroom and am not certain that I want to give up teaching. None of these choices have to be made today, and I am loving the denial phase, but soon I will be forced to make larger decisions. There is always tomorrow. For now, gratitude.

My Sweet L....

My Belle, my Mademoiselle....There is a line in a kid's book, Eleanor, Elletony, Ellencake, or something close to that, that was given to me when Ellie was born. We read it all the time and of course I always call Ellie , either L or Belle, rarely Ellie. Anyways, my sweet L, is turning 7. Birthdays get a little harder as they get older. They get so much easier as they grow, but you are always reflecting upon when they were babes. So, she came up the other night and said, " I need a cuddle" about the sweetest words to any mom's ears. I told her that someday, like when she was 16, she wouldn't want to cuddle and I would remind her then when I wanted a cuddle, how she looked at me in disbelief. When I tucked her in she asked if she could live with me forever and that she DEFINITELY did NOT want to go to college. Of course I encouraged her to live with me forever.

My times with my eldest daughter are not always so smooth. A few times a year, during big transitions, she falls apart. She literally has tantrums equivalent to a two year old. It is awful and leaves a huge pit in my stomach. Her transition to first grade was painful. She endured and I am so proud of her, and quite frankly, of myself for keeping it together, but it might have been our roughest one to date. Just when I was ready to book the child pysch appointment, and soon after my book, "The Explosive Child" arrived, she found her groove again. What it all boiled down to? Connecting. My fellow yoga teacher and I have been walking at the crack of dawn and today she asked me if she thought everyone who practiced yoga saw the world through the yoga lens. I can't say they do, but we as teachers sure do.

Kids are so honest and while it sometimes takes Ellie awhile to connect with her feelings, when she does, she tells it like it is. She hadn't found her one friend to connect with. Of course this came out as, " NOBODY LIKES ME. I HAVE NO FRIENDS" but she is finding her niche and her connections and the emotional roller-coaster has evened out.

But why can't we as adults be so honest? Why can't we let our egos slip away and in times of our own emotional turmoil confess to what it is that really bothers us? Maybe we don't always know, but I do believe a good portion of the time we do. When I moved here and was finding it so difficult to connect, I didn't cry and say, I HAVE NO FRIENDS, even thought that is exactly what I was feeling. My loneliness, loss of self, and ego issues were masked by anxiety and turmoil, most of which I hid. It is so difficult to let down our guard, peel away the armour, and reveal our Self.

And of course, since I see the world through a yoga lens, I am grateful to my practice and my tool for saving myself from myself. I hope my greatest gift to my daughters will be to do the same. I am so proud of my sweet L, she is learning to conquer her emotional distress and find her lens.

I'M BACK

Ok so I have 20 minutes and DAMNIT I am bloggin! No more excuses, no more procrastination! I actually haven't really even pondered why I stopped blogging other than something had to give and it seemed to naturally phase itself out of my life. But in my need to keep making connections, keeping in touch with humanity, so to speak, I have to keep writing.

I have been living with constant back pain since August. Not many people, except those closest to me, would now that. As I FINALLY come out of this excruciatingly long bout, I feel like I can get my head above water again. Living with back pain is another full-time job, and another hat I have no choice but to wear. I accepted a long time ago that managing a bad back is a life long commitment, however, this time I decided to take it a step further and in addition to PT and body work, I had an MRI. It didn't show much except arthritis, which I was thankful for, but at the same time, quite frustrated by. For years, my only goal has been to avoid surgery, but the past few months I changed my tune. Having gotten ZERO relief from my usual remedies, I did start thinking about what it might be like to possibly get some relief through surgery. Now that it looks like it is unnecessary (at least until the surgeon in Seattle tries to convince me I need it.....I am really only self-diagnosing based on the report that went to my primary care doc) I am highly motivated to save myself. It is shocking to me having now had a few pain-free days, how much it just drains you. It really is another full-time job, except a full time job with no rewards, just a series of frustrations and set backs. But now that I can see again, I feel ready to trust in the process.

Yoga is a life-long process. I remember after a few back zingers crying the blues because I would have to start over again - rebuild my practice. Well, rebuilding my practice is what I do best, and really what it is all about - peeling back the layers, moving forward, moving backward, getting frustrated, celebrating success, a continual unraveling to learn more about yourself and tear down some walls.

My Counter Runneth Over

I returned from the farmer's market this morning laden with produce. I have been entirely re-energized by the book, A homemade Life. For those of you food bloggers out there, the author has a blog - Orangette, that is equally as lovely as her book.

Last night we had fresh coho salmon. My husband is the fish cook. It was melt-in-your-mouth perfection. Dressed with nothing more than the bare necessities - dill, butter, and lemon, and poached in foil over the BBQ, it couldn't have been more delightfully prepared by (insert popular chef name here). The green beans from my CSA were so fresh they needed nothing more than a toss in the pan with a splattering of olive oil and plenty of salt. For me, though, the highlight is always the carb. I gravitate toward bread like ( what I really want to write here is "like a crack whore towards crack" isn't that terrible?? But a flowery metaphor doesn't do my carb-addiction justice, so I will leave it at that.) The carb: Ina Garten's panzenella. I skipped the peppers and accidentally forgot the basil, but I read an online suggestion about mixing half of the bread and vegetables a few hours before serving, then mixing in the remaining bread maybe 20 minutes before. You do get the best of both worlds - garlicky, saturated bread, and crunchy chunks as well. Molly, the author, (we're on a first name basis, since most assuredly we would be friends) has a recipe as well, and it was what prompted my memory to last summer when panzenella graced the table at many a party I attended, but why step out when what you already have perfectly fits the bill?

As I was leaving the house this morning for my Sunday yoga class, Shawn was making the girls Dutch Baby. Quite symbiotically I might add, as Molly also writes about it in her book. Shawn of course had no idea , but maybe he is picking up through osmosis my re-dedication to food. Sadly, I missed it, but since I ate almost a 1/2 loaf of bread in the bread salad last night, I needed to skip the carb/oil combo. My mom made this ALL THE TIME, and I might have actually taught it to Shawn. For those of you who don't have a recipe, I liked hers for its simplicity:

preheat oven to 425. Melt 2 Tb butter in a 8 or 9 in. ovenproof pan. In blender mix 4 eggs, 1/2 c. flour, 1/2 c. 1/2 and 1/2, 1/4 tsp salt. Pour egg mixture into melted butter and bake for 18-25 minutes. Don't forget to call the kids over to the oven to see it puff. Serve promptly with lots of lemon and powdered sugar.

Which brings me to my counter (and cup for that matter) running over. I went whole-hog at the market. The energy was electrical and maybe everyone is reading my good friend Molly's book and blog, because it was THE place to be (after yoga of course) on a Sunday morning. it was the market I have been waiting for. Everything is present: the soft fruit so perfectly ripe, it begs for sinking your teeth into it right then and there, (I recommend Johnson Orchards. The owners Eric and Jill are wonderful people and I so admire their dedication to sharing, literally, the fruit of their labor) the vegetables abundant and colorful, and of course who can resist Essencia bordelais for the carb-lovers out there.

The garden tended to, the yard perfectly coiffed by my very own Edward Scissorhands, the provisions from Safeway procured, the local produce overflowing, it has been a perfectly productive weekend.