Overcome with Emotion

The house is quiet. Shawn has to leave at 4:30 a.m. for cherry harvest and I have to leave at 5 am to teach yoga. Who is going to babysit at 5 am? Grandma to the rescue. They just left to spend the night and Shawn went back to work. It is so blissfully quiet. The doors are open, the breeze passing through - I am just one with my computer.

I love summer break. The kids fight, drive me crazy, each other crazy, but I feel like I have all of the time in the world. I can't get over that: how is it possible that they were at school all morning and now being home all day I feel like I have all the time in the world- not every meal is rushed, our mornings (as early as ever) laze by and I feel so much more connected, so much more in the moment with the kids. Then again, it is the way I grew up - swimming every day, lots of treats and fun activities - a mom meeting all of our needs. This life seems natural to me. Even with the week of yoga blitz. maybe that is it too. all of the prep is done and that is always the hardest part. I am teaching so many classes they just kind of flow out of me, then it is home to watch the kids swim - not eek out one more task. My kids are fishes. I was too. I have to drag them out of the pool and it is not even 70 degrees outside. Of course, I swam like that AND the pool was 75, not 88 like it is now. These are the times where you see the beauty of cycles repeating themselves. I can give to them what was given to me.

I do have periods of profound exhaustion. The kids are so good, though. I can say, " kids, mom's going down for 5" as I pass out on the couch. They let me take my power nap and manage to not fight for 10 minutes, or like yesterday, fall asleep on the couch next to me. I need it - desperately. I use to worry about that. I feel like I should have more energy, but teaching takes it out of me - especially back to back classes. Shawn assured me tonight when you are passionate about something and you give it your all, it is exhausting. Particularly tonight. I started teaching my class this morning and the studio was full and suddenly I looked out at these people and i was absolutely overcome with emotion, quite literally overcome. I poured out my gratitude and was so appreciative - for everything - for the turn out for blitz week, for the most amazing, dedicated, passionate teachers, for my re-connection to yoga, for this opportunity to run a studio. I looked out at my yoga teacher/friend and thought of her nearly 3 years later, constantly giving to yoga and receiving so little payment in return, and even if it is for one week - knowing she finally was compensated this week- that she was given back to for all she has given, and daring to believe we can make a go of it. That yesterday 9 people, 9 people would show up at 5:30 am on a FREEZING cold morning to practice yoga outdoors. What dedication. I found myself saying that it exceeded my wildest expectations, but maybe why this has all been so rewarding is because I can say honestly and whole-heartedly, I have had no expectations. I think I do it because I am so passionate about it and know the difference it has made in my life. To be able to live like that - to walk through life without any expectations - the power of that. I felt it today.

What a week. WHAT A WEEK. I feel like my mind has been blown wide open. I have moved from disconnected to connected and am so exhausted, but so calm too. Dare I say that this really is what happens to you when you live your yoga? Every single class I have attended has re-energized, inspired, motivated and FREED me. As I took my studio partner's class yesterday, I felt so much genuine affection and gratitude towards her - things I have taken for granted as I have let the business side rule me lately. To leave class and feel connected, isn't that all you can really ask for? To go home and not be overwhelmed by tasks, but to flow with them instead? To truly see your children, see them, watch them, listen to them play. To peel away the layers, to lift the veil, to see things a bit more clearly - that is what these moments offer. Letting go of the ego, the expectations, the fear, the attachment, all of it slipping away for these periods of time. Not only relishing this phase, but allowing yourself to know it will pass and the next phase you will learn even more.