"The most precious gift you can give to the one you love is your true presence. What must we do to really be there? Those who have practiced Buddhist meditation know that meditation is above all being present: to yourself, to those you love, to life."
I am a terrible meditator. I say that with compassion for myself because I keep at it, I really do. Lately, it has been in the form of trying to fall back asleep. So at 4:30 yesterday morning I practiced mindful breathing, as I had been during the night when I woke up periodically. "Breathing - I know that I am breathing in. Breathing - I know that I am breathing out" a simple meditation to connect my mind and body.
Meditation is listening. Erich Schiffman, whose text I studied during my yoga certification, has a quote I often use, "yoga is a way of moving into stillness in order to experience the truth of who you are." Meditation is the vehicle in which to listen. As Shawn and I sat on the couch last night sipping a cocktail ( I should drink more, I should. I am like my Dad when I have a few drinks: fun, communicative, loose, but then a few hours later I want to go to bed, so it is a hard mix. ) I had a stunning realization. One of the reasons I struggle with meditation is I am not a good listener. As I communicated this to Shawn, he totally agreed. Isn't it crazy when you uncover these realizations about yourself that are so obvious to others? I am not a good listener. This is what I love about this transformative practice of yoga. Everything you learn on the mat translates directly off the mat. As you work to peel away these layers - maybe purely from a physical standpoint (learning to listen to your body and as my teacher yesterday reminded us, asking: where are you forcing?) you realize that unfolding is absolutely occurring off the mat.
When I first started yoga, I approached it as a work out. I started yoga because I was looking for a new form of exercise and I heard about this really physical version, Ashtanga. It is a fast paced yoga practice with little time for perfecting alignment and often times classes too large to have personal instruction. In theory, Ashtanga yoga is beautiful. It is all about listening to your own body and learning from it - very experiential. The idea is you peck away at it and eventually it will all be revealed in the form of perfect postures. For strong people and people who are skilled at listening to their bodies, it is perfect, but for (reformed) athletes who view training as "pushing through the pain" it can be detrimental, as was my case. I have reflected a lot on this. At first I was frustrated with myself because I blamed it all on my ego - it got in the way and I didn't listen, but as I delve deeper into the layers of yoga, I realize it isn't just that. When you learn something new you look around and WATCH how to do it, you don't just LISTEN because you are simply trying to learn enough to be able to do it. The intersection between yoga and athleticism is interesting. Yoga is never about pushing through the physical pain, but certainly overcoming non-physical obstacles takes perseverance. I have stopped beating myself up about my early years as a yoga practitioner and my complete disregard for listening because it has 100% defined my role as a teacher. I know what it is like to unlearn bad practices and hope to inspire people to approach it from a healing standpoint, not a competitive endeavor. As for the listening, I told my husband I would really try harder to listen to his flying stories. And as I walked around the house all weekend quoting from my Buddhist book, " I will always be there for you" to my husband and kids, I meant it.
To the lighter stuff: a new recipe this week that we enjoyed: Almost Meatless Sloppy Joes. I have been back into the magazine Cooking Light. They recently underwent a face-lift and their recipes reflect a desire to eat healthier, but not sacrifice taste along the way. I doctored this up by adding some extra seasonings. A few more from my recent Cooking Lights: Grilled Chicken with Mint and Pine Nut Gremolata (with sugar snap peas and feta salad) where I substituted fish for the chicken. I have made this twice and it is excellent. I don't have the link for the snap pea salad but if you get CL it is May 2010. Taking advantage of asparagus season, I subbed it for the peas in Lemon Risotto With Peas, Tarragon and Leeks. Risotto really is easy. Sure you have to stir, but you can still do other things. I omitted leeks and used a mixture of shallot and onion.
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