I'M BACK

Ok so I have 20 minutes and DAMNIT I am bloggin! No more excuses, no more procrastination! I actually haven't really even pondered why I stopped blogging other than something had to give and it seemed to naturally phase itself out of my life. But in my need to keep making connections, keeping in touch with humanity, so to speak, I have to keep writing.

I have been living with constant back pain since August. Not many people, except those closest to me, would now that. As I FINALLY come out of this excruciatingly long bout, I feel like I can get my head above water again. Living with back pain is another full-time job, and another hat I have no choice but to wear. I accepted a long time ago that managing a bad back is a life long commitment, however, this time I decided to take it a step further and in addition to PT and body work, I had an MRI. It didn't show much except arthritis, which I was thankful for, but at the same time, quite frustrated by. For years, my only goal has been to avoid surgery, but the past few months I changed my tune. Having gotten ZERO relief from my usual remedies, I did start thinking about what it might be like to possibly get some relief through surgery. Now that it looks like it is unnecessary (at least until the surgeon in Seattle tries to convince me I need it.....I am really only self-diagnosing based on the report that went to my primary care doc) I am highly motivated to save myself. It is shocking to me having now had a few pain-free days, how much it just drains you. It really is another full-time job, except a full time job with no rewards, just a series of frustrations and set backs. But now that I can see again, I feel ready to trust in the process.

Yoga is a life-long process. I remember after a few back zingers crying the blues because I would have to start over again - rebuild my practice. Well, rebuilding my practice is what I do best, and really what it is all about - peeling back the layers, moving forward, moving backward, getting frustrated, celebrating success, a continual unraveling to learn more about yourself and tear down some walls.