The Zen Out

It is so funny...I have been wanting to write about the concept of rushing (directly relating to my all-time favorite topic: time) and I happened to read my fellow yoga teacher/blogger's blog and she wrote about the same thing. What is even crazier is the other day when we were walking she told me about a class she had taught earlier in the week and I approached a very similar subject (why do we practice yoga?) in my class the next morning. Of course neither of us had been to each other's class. Pheromones? Full moon? Random coincidences?

Since I started this blog and didn't finish it, rushing will have to wait until another time. I am in a new non-rushing zen phase that occurs oh, about once a year, so I am riding it out until my usual self returns. I am a week and a half into a lull at the studio. I even hate to write about it because it means the phone will ring tomorrow, but it is the first time since I started that I haven't subbed or had private lessons and I have TIME. Lovely vacant hours to clean closets, bake, preserve food, be more present with my kids. Not manic, frantic hours where you are on a roll and get caught up because you are ON FIRE, no this is different. I actually have carved out enough time for the first time in a long, long time (maybe NEVER BEFORE???). Saying no is also a big part of it and the more you do it, the easier and easier it becomes. I am trying to savor every sweet second instead of sinking into doubt about my current desires to continue with the studio. Oh, I definitely want to continue with the studio EXACTLY how it is, but life never works like that and change is rearing its head - it is there looming in the distance and I want to fight it with every ounce of my being. Why can't things stay the same? I guess to remind us that isn't the way life works and to teach us to become better equipped to roll with it.

My lease is up in December. In my attempt to be more pro-active, I asked to meet with the owner to discuss our future. Results pending. Whatever the outcome, it means more work for me at a point when I am not feeling the love for more work. I love teaching yoga, don't mind doing the business end, but I need to keep myself free enough to continue to pursue my yoga education and all of the other things I truly enjoy. As my back gets stronger and stronger (being pain-free is also a strong motivator) my passion for yoga as therapy has grown and is a specific field I wish to explore. I have also been really enjoying my volunteer work in Ellie's classroom and am not certain that I want to give up teaching. None of these choices have to be made today, and I am loving the denial phase, but soon I will be forced to make larger decisions. There is always tomorrow. For now, gratitude.